The Secret Garden

I had expected my thoughts of you to fester when I failed to speak them
instead they grew like flowers in a garden
where there is no sunlight
slowly
unstoppably
like a miracle

I thought my admiration might repulse you
and I clung to the ghost of secrecy
you had admired me back, and had shown respect for the dead

In all our silent glances
and our unspoken hymns of adoration
we had managed never to be so absolute as to voice our full feelings out loud
now they were spoken
and I found they barraged me with more force than they had in silence

I had been afraid when I refused to say my thoughts outright
now my thoughts were on display before the one person who counted
and they were terrifying

When there was still a chance you would disdain me for my love, my hands trembled
now I could see you loved me
loved me fully
in return, and I was shaking head to toe, unable to hold myself steady

All this time I had been so afraid that you would catch me, and so afraid you wouldn’t
now you had caught me, and I could not imagine anything more horrible and wonderful

I was trapped in your hands, and all my soul was on display
I knew that my emotional viscera were disgustingly laid bare for us to see
and I had no control over them, and no will to hide them anymore

I had been caught loving you
and I was shamed
and honored
and afraid of you in equal measure

Where could I hide when I had already hid everywhere?

I stared into your eyes like a tearful sun-gazer
and trembled
and cried

And you held the only key to me
And you kept my secret
And you loved me
loved me
loved me