Touching your skin is like
light coming through the trees.
It is tender, and alive.
It is bright and warm and hopeful.
It makes me curious,
as though it is leading me someplace magical.
Your skin is like light through the trees:
golden, soft, a sign of restlessness and religion.
Something which brushes against me with
celestial kisses and makes me feel clean.

Your touch is like light,
which breaks through the green boughs overhead.
It settles on me like a halo.
It revives me when I didn’t know I was tired.
I feel it like nature, like a calling, like a faraway song.
It burns a bit on my skin when it rests for too long.
Brimming with promise;
edged in molten sun;
life-giving and life altering,
like it will guide the way.

Touching your skin is like
light coming through the trees.
It feels more right than the noise of other company.
The gentle susurrus of moving limbs in gleaming light,
the soft moan of the wind…
it gives me life, and reminds me of adventure and peace.
I am at once inspired to move ever forward…
and to be washed away in the simplicity of this moment,
and the joy of where I am.

Touching you
Is like the sunlight
In the trees

Do You See Us?

Do you see me?

I am another face
blended into the others
No bigger or smaller than they are
No better or worse
No more or less special
Do you see me?

I have done imperfect things
I have hated and cried
I have broken and rebuilt
Do you see me?

I am still who I was
when I was younger
I am already who I will be
When I am older
I am good
and bad
and in between
And the thing which isn’t
Good
or bad
or anything else
Do you see me?

I am gay
And straight
And female
And male
And a mess
I am a little bit boring
And a little fascinating
I whine when I
should keep my mouth shut
And stay silent when I
Should talk to someone
Do you see me?

I believe in God
I believe in science
I believe in beauty and pain
I believe in hope and hopelessness
I believe more than
Almost anyone I know
I believe everyday
But I don’t want to
Believe blindly
The way I used to
Do you see me?

If I am Joan of Arc
On my crusade
Riding through war
And through hellfire
To follow my God
Do you see me?

If I am a stranger
In an even stranger land
A nomad
A wanderer
A wonderer
Lost in my own footprints
Following my own footsteps
Never resting
Never settling
Never sure where I will go
Carried like
A
Leaf
On the
Bitter
Blazing wind…
Do you see me?

If I am a child
Who still wants to
Be loved
Like a child
If I cry at night
And hug my pillow
And whisper lullabies
I wish someone else
Would sing to me
Do you see me?

If I am very fat
Or I am very sick
If I am a ‘cripple’
If I can’t walk
If I cannot think
The way so many people think
If I am broken
Beyond sanity
From love
And gunfire
And the memories
Or if I just ate
Things that made me
Forget
Do you see me?

If I am the faggot
That I’ve heard is so
Sinful
And wrong
And justified
And born this way
And inexcusable
And perfectly fine
And just an inch from
Dying
Do you see me?

Do you see me?
Do you see me?
Do you see me?

Somewhere in this
Beautiful mire
I am one of these people
Who you pass by every day
Who has a story
Who has a purpose
Who has a fire
raging in their heart
And a smile on their face
And a sad song
Playing in their head
Do you see me?

Can you see me?

Will you see me?

What Good Does That Do
If You Will Not See 
The Other Faces?

If you will not look
Unless I am Joan
Unless I am a nomad
Unless I am a child
Unless I am unhealthy
Unless I am gay
Unless I am like you
Unless I am different
Unless you love me
Unless you hate me

If you do not see
The other humans
Why do you think
You have seen even one?

Because we all have a story
We all have a purpose
We all have a fire
raging in our heart
And a smile on our face
And a sad song
Playing in our head

Do you see them?
Do you see us?
Do you see me?

The Sound of Phoenix

Do you hear that?
Do you feel the shifting in the earth?
Do you hear the roaring in the wind?

It’s not the weight of judgement
Falling heavy on my shoulders
Not the crush of atmospheric disdain

It is not the inexorable surge of passing time
Not the cracking of stone tablets, being wasted
Not the aching boom of thunder in the distant, pregnant sky

That sound is my nails against rock bottom
The rattling of bone against my iron chains
It is the breathe when they hoped to smother me

I am breathing
I am breaking
I am starting anew

Now you know why you fear it
The powerful, resounding sound
Of underestimating my phoenix blood

The Secret Garden

I had expected my thoughts of you to fester when I failed to speak them
instead they grew like flowers in a garden
where there is no sunlight
slowly
unstoppably
like a miracle

I thought my admiration might repulse you
and I clung to the ghost of secrecy
you had admired me back, and had shown respect for the dead

In all our silent glances
and our unspoken hymns of adoration
we had managed never to be so absolute as to voice our full feelings out loud
now they were spoken
and I found they barraged me with more force than they had in silence

I had been afraid when I refused to say my thoughts outright
now my thoughts were on display before the one person who counted
and they were terrifying

When there was still a chance you would disdain me for my love, my hands trembled
now I could see you loved me
loved me fully
in return, and I was shaking head to toe, unable to hold myself steady

All this time I had been so afraid that you would catch me, and so afraid you wouldn’t
now you had caught me, and I could not imagine anything more horrible and wonderful

I was trapped in your hands, and all my soul was on display
I knew that my emotional viscera were disgustingly laid bare for us to see
and I had no control over them, and no will to hide them anymore

I had been caught loving you
and I was shamed
and honored
and afraid of you in equal measure

Where could I hide when I had already hid everywhere?

I stared into your eyes like a tearful sun-gazer
and trembled
and cried

And you held the only key to me
And you kept my secret
And you loved me
loved me
loved me

Phoenix of the Foam

Do you hear it

the crashing of the water

the pounding of the waves

Do you hear it

The rise and fall of oceanic wings

The pounding beat of my aquatic heart

I rise

I rise

Only to be brought low time after time

I crash

I crush

I crumble

And

Yet

I Climb

Unheard

Unseen

Un wanted

Invincible

Untamable

An ever-rising wall

Rushing towards my desecration

Racing towards the fall

Roaring headlong into the utter darkness of the rocky beach

Fear me now

I am the ocean wave

Which breaks and rises up

A phoenix

Of the foam

Ready to break again

Finding Benjamyn

“I want to show the world I see…”

“I feel like there is something special inside me…”

“Oh! If you could see the world I see…”

So many time I’ve said these words. So many times I’ve failed.

How can words express the world? How can You see through my eyes?

But what is stranger, better, worse, more tragic, more perfect:

The person who took the longest to see…

Who took so long for me to convince of who I am…

The person who I spent my lifetime trying to convince

Was Benjamyn.

Was Me.